affirmations | Equipped For Success

I just read another “how to be successful” blog post (by an author who shall remain nameless). I keep looking for other blogs and articles to point you to that can augment your resources. But most of it is crap! (Remember Kurt Vonnegut’s quote? “90 percent of Everything is crap.”)

These guys just keep recycling the same old platitudes that have sounded good for decades (or more) but don’t actually work! They ignore the discoveries about the brain and the mind and how it works.

Did you know that we have learned more about how the brain works (and also the mind — which is related but not the same) in last 15 years than in previous 150 years (or more)?

You may have heard about affirmations. If someone tells you to do affirmations — be wary. There are only a very few ways (as in two or three) that affirmations work… and they are NOT the way we have been taught over the years. If they are repeating the conventional wisdom on affirmations, steer clear. They haven’t done the research and they haven’t tested what they are teaching.

(For more information on the ways that affirmations can work, see this article on my website.)

Someone asked the blogger about visualizations (which he was recommending). “You tell us to visualize the outcome we want, but I can’t visualize things. Is there something wrong with me?”

And his answer was, “No, of course not. You just haven’t been taught how to visualize.”

Excuse me? EVERYONE can visualize. Everyone DOES visualize. (Blind-from-birth people possibly excluded.) You don’t have to be taught how to visualize.

Do you remember the Star Wars light sabers? Remember how the “blade” grows out of the handle… sometimes rapidly and sometimes slowly (depending on the dramatic needs of the scene)? And how the bad guy’s “blade” is red and the good guy’s “blade” is green?

But, perhaps, you never saw any of the Star Wars movies. So, maybe you are one of the almost 26 million people who saw Avatar. (Or the countless millions more who saw the ads for it on television.) Who can forget that blue face with the tiny dots of light creating a “tatoo” on it?

Or… maybe… just maybe… you live under a rock. It’s possible that you live in a treehouse. Or a tipi. Or on a boat floating in the ocean… or maybe that boat is moored at the pier… tied by one of those white ropes that are as thick as your wrist. Or maybe you are in some other way pop-culturally deprived. (I know I come pretty close to fitting that description.)

It doesn’t matter. You “saw” some of those images I suggested as you read them. You have to have. The words won’t make sense to you if you didn’t.

Now, the picture in your mind might not be identical to the one in my mind… but it doesn’t matter here. The point is that you CAN visualize because you DO visualize (even when you don’t realize it).

The rest of this guy’s post was filled with similar inaccurate information.

Why does that bug me so much? Because if you follow his advice and teaching, you WON’T get the results you expect. You will have wasted your time and effort. And you will be even deeper in the hole that you were trying to get out of by using his methods.

It further bugs me because I want you to be successful. I want you to live a fulfilling life at your maximum potential. And I want you to be able to do it in as easy a way as our surroundings will allow.

What about you? What “success” teachings have you run across that didn’t work for you?

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We all learned in kindergarten that it is important to be kind. And most of us have learned that lesson, especially with our friends. But have we learned that lesson with ourselves?

Sadly, most of us haven’t. Far too often we berate ourselves, run ourselves down, and are far more critical of ourselves than we are of other people… even our enemies.

And our internal talk is even worse.

As a couple of therapists I know have said, “Be careful what you say to yourself. You are listening.”

How can you be successful if the person you listen to most is running you down and criticizing everything you do? By listening to that kind of talk, you doom yourself to failure. And when it comes, that inner voice says, “See? I told you so.”

Take a moment throughout your day and listen to what you are telling yourself. Make a special effort to notice what you are saying… and how you are saying it.

Would you say those things to your best friend? I’ll bet not. I’ll bet you would be much kinder to your friend.

It is time for you to be your own best friend. (If you can’t be a friend to yourself, what kind of friend will you be to others?) Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.

Easier said than done, right? To help you out, here are a couple of things to get you started in the right direction.

First, write yourself an email. In that email, tell your best friend exactly why you believe that s/he (you) can succeed, the marvelous traits and talents s/he has, and that you believe in her/him. Now, send it to yourself. Yes, actually send it. And when it arrives in your in-box, open it and read it.

Second, every time you catch yourself saying things about yourself that are unkind (whether aloud or just to yourself), STOP. Then deliberately replace that word, phrase, or diatribe with a kinder, gentler one… one that is uplifting and encouraging. It may seem like you are doing it a lot, at first, but you will get better at it as you practice.

A few people are so conditioned to negative “self-talk” that they can’t come up with anything positive to say about themselves. Others, can do it if they try hard enough, long enough. But it is a lot of effort.

Want an easier way? Preload your brain with good things you can say about you. Fill it with positive comments about you. Saturate it with loving comments about you. Then, when your negative, unkind self-talk shows up, the loving, kind words will be on hand to jump right in.

For those of us who want a speed track to saturating our brains with the right kind of comments, Wendi Friesen has come to our rescue. Wendi has put together a FANTASTIC product to help us with this. Since we don’t hear those good things spoken to us enough, Wendi has created a set of 5 audio tracks so you can hear the kinds of things you should be saying to yourself (and the ones you wish your friends and family said to you more.)

I have these “Love Infusion” audio tracks and they rock! Listen to these in the car, as background, as you are falling asleep, as a model for the kind of things you should be saying to yourself.

Note, the Love Infusion tracks are not affirmations. They are the kinds of things we wish we heard more of… things like “I love you.” “You seem like the kind of person I would like to know.” “I believe in you.” “You are a good friend.” “Wow, you did a great job. I’m proud of you.”

If you don’t hear that sort of thing enough (and most of us don’t), I encourage you to give it a try. You can get them as an instant download and put it straight on your MP3 player… or burn it to a CD. If this sounds like something you would like to know more about, just click here.

Whether you or not you need a role model, start being kinder to yourself. You will be amazed at how your life turns around and how much more you will attempt… and accomplish.

Do you have something (or someone) that you use as a role model for your “self-talk”? Share the resources with us in the comments, please.

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