Category Archives: Getting Help

3 Reasons Why You Should Have a Coach

Posted on by
Reply

The first full week in February every year is International Coaching Week. Do you have a coach? If you don’t, you should.

Why? Because people who are coached accomplish a LOT more than people who don’t.

I was sharing in one of my mastermind groups recently about coaching. One of the things I pointed out was that the coaching process is so powerful that benefits happen from it, even if the coach isn’t very good. And when you have a coach who is good? Magical things happen.

What about the process makes it so beneficial? Let’s examine 3 things – accountability, perspective, and support.

To start with, there is a built-in accountability. If you know someone is going to ask about a goal, a task, or a process, you make an extra effort to attend to it. This is because there is a part of the brain that activates when you verbalize a commitment to someone else. You see yourself as a certain kind of person. And once you commit, your brain strongly wants to make it (whatever you said) happen so that your image of yourself remains consistent.


Then, there’s perspective. Having a coach brings another set of eyes (and perspective) to the situation. Even if the coach doesn’t say a word as you explain the problem or situation, you often gather a whole new perspective. There is a reason we often gain crucial insights when we use someone else as a sounding board.

And, then, there’s support. We all need someone to support us and offer encouragement. The coaching process provides that support by its very nature.

When a coach knows what he is doing and is a good coach, magic happens.

Let’s take accountability, for example. The coaching process provides accountability. A good coach will help you pick the important things to be accountable for. And he will ask insightful questions that help you be specific about the task or goal you are accepting accountability for. Just that alone can result in being two or three times as productive, for you are being accountable for the things that matter in your life.

We saw that the coaching process can bring perspective even if the coach is merely a sounding board. Imagine how effective you can become when the coach asks his insightful questions that lead you to a whole new perspective. I have seen people have significant breakthroughs just from that new perspective.

A good coach goes beyond merely being a support for the client (I hate the term “coachee”). He becomes a champion for the client. If you have ever had a champion for a project, a cause, or for yourself, you know that a champion is not passive, but active. A supporter follows your lead and, well, supports you. A champion doesn’t just follow your lead, he encourages your lead. He doesn’t just support you, he acts as a cheerleader for you. Additionally, he will provide objective feedback in a way designed to build you up, not tear you down.


You have probably realized, by now, that this role of coach can be filled by many different people in your life. If you work in a large corporation, you may have a manager or other person who is assigned the role of coach for you. (We won’t address their skill in coaching here.)

But what if you are a small business owner? Or what if you work in a small company and things are too busy to allow time for coaching? In that case, you need to look elsewhere. You might be able to find someone who is willing to act as a coach for you in a trade association, in a church or similar non-profit group, or even a friend. If they follow the coaching process, you will be better off than without coaching.

However, as you might suspect, I recommend that you find a professional coach. While you will have the expense of his coaching fee, your results will be measured in weeks and months, rather than years. In this light, the coaching fees are more of an investment (in yourself and in your success) than an expense. (By the way, most people report a return on that investment of 2 to 10 times what they paid. To put it another way, if I gave you 2 dollars for every one you gave me, how much would you make available?)

Thinking it might be time to find a coach? Connect with me and let’s talk. (Hint: you can comment on this post to start the conversation.) We’ll explore what you are looking for and find a good fit for you — whether you are looking for a business coach, a relationship coach, a life coach, a fitness coach, or another of the flavors of coaching. (I am a certified, professional life coach who helps small business owners and entrepreneurs build their business and get out of their own way. So, yes, I am a good fit for some of you… and no, I am not a good fit for all of you. If we are not a good fit, I will connect you with someone who will be.)

Whatever you do, do yourself a favor and explore coaching for your life. I promise you will never be the same again.

If you have had a professional coach before, I would love to hear your experiences with it. Was it good? Was it bad? Use the comments and share with us.

Technorati : , , , , ,
Del.icio.us : , , , , ,
Zooomr : , , , , ,

Quitting IS an Option

Posted on by
Reply

Quitting IS an option. It is always an option. And, sometimes, it is the right course of action.

I know that flies in the face of all the “go get ‘em” advice from the gurus. In fact, it even seems to contradict the advice I give in the 7 Mistakes That Sabotage Your Success™ (Mistake #6 – Giving up too soon). However, there is a time and a place for quitting.

Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits (book and program) points out that a compass is more valuable than a clock when you are in the woods. He rightly says that it doesn’t matter how fast you are going if you are going in the wrong direction. In this case, if you discover that you are going in the wrong direction, then you need to quit. Or at least quit going forward.

What if you aren’t sure you are going in the right direction? That is also a good place to quit (quit going forward) and consult a map or a guide. However, you must get moving again. It is very easy to simply sit in indecision (Mistake # 3). Don’t let that happen to you. Get your correct direction figured out and get moving toward it.

If you do consider quitting, make sure it is for the right reasons. You probably shouldn’t make the decision to quit on your own. Talk it over with a trusted advisor. Lay out the reasons you think you should quit. Also lay out the reasons you started in the direction you did. If your trusted advisor agrees with you that you should quit, then follow his advice.

If your trusted advisor suggests you continue on, either without change or with tweaks to your direction (program, process, etc.) then hang in there. Keep going and don’t quit. If you really don’t want to follow his advice, then check for two things.

1) Is there an internal roadblock operating in your life that is causing this reluctance?

If so, then deal with the roadblock and keep moving forward.

2) Did you pick the wrong trusted advisor?

A relationship coach may not be the right advisor for your financial issue. If your advisor isn’t well-versed in the area of your goal, then find the correct trusted advisor and follow his advice.

So either quit or don’t. But do it from an informed perspective and NOT just because you are tired, frustrated, or feeling down.

Have you ever quit and it was the best thing that ever happened to you? Share it with us.

Technorati : , , ,
Del.icio.us : , , ,
Zooomr : , , ,

Try a Little Kindness-To Yourself

Posted on by
1

We all learned in kindergarten that it is important to be kind. And most of us have learned that lesson, especially with our friends. But have we learned that lesson with ourselves?

Sadly, most of us haven’t. Far too often we berate ourselves, run ourselves down, and are far more critical of ourselves than we are of other people… even our enemies.

And our internal talk is even worse.

As a couple of therapists I know have said, “Be careful what you say to yourself. You are listening.”

How can you be successful if the person you listen to most is running you down and criticizing everything you do? By listening to that kind of talk, you doom yourself to failure. And when it comes, that inner voice says, “See? I told you so.”

Take a moment throughout your day and listen to what you are telling yourself. Make a special effort to notice what you are saying… and how you are saying it.

Would you say those things to your best friend? I’ll bet not. I’ll bet you would be much kinder to your friend.

It is time for you to be your own best friend. (If you can’t be a friend to yourself, what kind of friend will you be to others?) Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.

Easier said than done, right? To help you out, here are a couple of things to get you started in the right direction.

First, write yourself an email. In that email, tell your best friend exactly why you believe that s/he (you) can succeed, the marvelous traits and talents s/he has, and that you believe in her/him. Now, send it to yourself. Yes, actually send it. And when it arrives in your in-box, open it and read it.

Second, every time you catch yourself saying things about yourself that are unkind (whether aloud or just to yourself), STOP. Then deliberately replace that word, phrase, or diatribe with a kinder, gentler one… one that is uplifting and encouraging. It may seem like you are doing it a lot, at first, but you will get better at it as you practice.

A few people are so conditioned to negative “self-talk” that they can’t come up with anything positive to say about themselves. Others, can do it if they try hard enough, long enough. But it is a lot of effort.

Want an easier way? Preload your brain with good things you can say about you. Fill it with positive comments about you. Saturate it with loving comments about you. Then, when your negative, unkind self-talk shows up, the loving, kind words will be on hand to jump right in.

For those of us who want a speed track to saturating our brains with the right kind of comments, Wendi Friesen has come to our rescue. Wendi has put together a FANTASTIC product to help us with this. Since we don’t hear those good things spoken to us enough, Wendi has created a set of 5 audio tracks so you can hear the kinds of things you should be saying to yourself (and the ones you wish your friends and family said to you more.)

I have these “Love Infusion” audio tracks and they rock! Listen to these in the car, as background, as you are falling asleep, as a model for the kind of things you should be saying to yourself.

Note, the Love Infusion tracks are not affirmations. They are the kinds of things we wish we heard more of… things like “I love you.” “You seem like the kind of person I would like to know.” “I believe in you.” “You are a good friend.” “Wow, you did a great job. I’m proud of you.”

If you don’t hear that sort of thing enough (and most of us don’t), I encourage you to give it a try. You can get them as an instant download and put it straight on your MP3 player… or burn it to a CD. If this sounds like something you would like to know more about, just click here.

Whether you or not you need a role model, start being kinder to yourself. You will be amazed at how your life turns around and how much more you will attempt… and accomplish.

Do you have something (or someone) that you use as a role model for your “self-talk”? Share the resources with us in the comments, please.

Technorati : , , , ,
Del.icio.us : , , , ,
Zooomr : , , , ,

More Voices for Doing What You Love

Posted on by
1

Have you heard me say this before… find what you love (what you are built for) and then build your business or your career on that? I have several posts on this blog related to aspects of that.

Some of the posts are about particular aspects of it–from finding your strengths (we tend to love the things that we do well “naturally”) to discovering your mission. If you haven’t seen those, I encourage you to look them up.

I return to this theme periodically because of what it will do for you. I am writing this post on my birthday… a day that I had deliberately set aside to be a holiday for me. And, here I am writing this post. Why? Because I read a post from Bob “The Teacher” Jenkins and it got me all fired up to share this with you.

You see, I love what I do… helping others develop their potential and live fulfilling lives. And I know that you can’t live a fulfilling life if you are locked in a job or business that sucks the life from your soul. So, one of the first things you need to do is start transitioning to something you love doing.

I encourage you to read Bob’s post (here’s the link again – http://askbobtheteacher.com/blog/stick-to-your-best) and catch another view of finding and doing what you love.

And, if you’re interested in learning more about Bob’s “Business Acceleration Bootcamp” (which I will be at, by the way), then go here to learn all about it. (And if you hurry, there are some tremendous bonuses you can snag, too.)

And now, I’m off to a birthday holiday. Cheers.

Technorati : , ,
Del.icio.us : , ,
Zooomr : , ,

Independent, Dependent, or a Third Way?

Posted on by
Reply

Many years ago, as a radical youth, I subscribed to The Mother Earth News. While I never was very good at gardening or at getting “back to the land”, I enjoyed learning about it. In fact, I think I enjoyed fantasizing about it. And, like most fantasies, the dreaming was much more enjoyable than the doing.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from it was the difference between being independent and being self-reliant.

At the time, I thought that Independence was The Best Thing. Independence lets you do what you want. It puts you in control of your destiny. It allows you to Be Yourself. It gives you control.

(By the way, every one of us wants to control our own destiny. We want our freedom and our independence. It is part of how we are wired. Even people who don’t know how to take care of themselves, still want their independence and control of their lives.)

But, over time, I learned that independence also means Going It Alone. It means having to do EVERYTHING yourself… even the things you aren’t good at or don’t want to do. It makes a lot of extra work for yourself and results in a very precarious existence.

The opposite of independence, of course, is dependence. All of us have experienced years of that as children. Most of us don’t like the feeling of depending on anther person… no matter how trivial the request or need. I suspect that is partly why we are so insistent on having independence as we grow up.

Sure, being dependent on others has its good side. We don’t have to think, we have stuff given to us, it meshes with our lazy side. Oddly enough, we still want independence even though it means more effort and discomfort… probably because we have the built-in wiring.

If only there were a way we could have our cake and eat it too… a way we could be independent when we wanted and still not have to do everything ourselves… especially the things that we aren’t good at… and never will be good at.

Well, it turns out that there is a third way… Self-Reliance. Self-reliance allows you to be both independent and connected at the same time. It allows you to “outsource” the tasks you aren’t good at to those who are… and still retain responsibility and control.

Let me give an example from business. Say I want to get more customers (or clients… depending on the business you are in). I can ask business associates to refer customers to me… but I don’t simply sit around waiting for the clients to come in through their referrals… I also get out and work to find customers on my own.

The same happens if you are seeking a job. You tell everyone you are looking and what, specifically, you are looking for. But you don’t sit back and wait for them to find you something. You get out and do your own search… and make it happen. Your job may come from either source, but, either way, you aren’t dependent on one or the other to happen.

Another example: I may outsource the manufacturing of a product or a part… but I don’t blindly expect that it will come back in time, to specification, of the quality I expect, and at the price I agreed. I track the progress, I sample the part and check on the quality, I verify the invoice(s), and maintain a level of control.

In other words, I don’t rely on someone else, I rely on myself (“self” “reliant”). Please notice the difference between doing it yourself (independence) and relying on yourself.

Self-reliance is the practical, day-to-day way to maintain control while not having to do it all yourself.

And, in the end, that is also what The Mother Earth News was encouraging, too. Whether you live in the country, in the city, or in the suburbs, take responsibility for your life and the things in it. When you don’t like what’s happening in your life, don’t look to others to fix it, but start taking action that will change things and move it closer to what you are wanting. But do it in a community, not by yourself… but that’s a post for another day.

What do you think? Are you independent, dependent, or self-reliant? Use the comments and share your story with us.

Technorati : , , ,
Del.icio.us : , , ,
Zooomr : , , ,